My So-Called Life – Maybe I’d rather have the fantasy than even him.

My So-Called Life: 1x02 Dancing in the Dark

One of the things that I’ve enjoyed a lot during the few weeks of this little “back to school” project is how sometimes, things the characters pick up in class resonate with their daily experiences. As arbitrary as going to school might seem, and as small a part studying and sitting in class plays in both Popular and My So-Called Life (even though it is a surprisingly big part, compared to other shows set in high school – the more important moments still happen in the cafeteria, in the restroom, during the moments in-between and after class), some of the things taught stick, and sometimes, a particular lesson sets the theme for the entire episode (finding your own voice in Popular, choice and identity in Skins, and now, experiments in My So-Called Life). 

Experiments

Experiments are about “Precision, observation, and clear concise communication.”, they are “designed to solve a particular problem”. 

The Parents

Angela’s experiment is communicating with Jordan Catalano, an experiment that doesn’t exactly succeed (especially because it would require clear and concise communication) – but this is also the theme for Angela’s parents, who are both dealing with the fact that they feel like they’re drifting apart. They have different ideas about intimacy, they don’t share any interests, they don’t communicate their needs clearly. Angela’s mum deals with this feeling by changing her look: she cuts off her hair (which earns her a not-quite compliment from her husband: “it shows your ears more”), and proposes ballroom dancing. 

Camille : Look, they say if you wanna put the romance back in your marriage...
Patty : Oh no, I hate that expression. Like romance is this thing you misplace like an earring. And all that stuff they tell you to do. Put rose petals on his pillow. Oh, I will. Let me just empty this kitty litter I'll be right with you. Wear satin panties. Like my dry-cleaning bill isn't frightening enough. Force your husband into a car and don't tell him where you're going. I do that every other weekend: It's called ‘visiting my parents’.

One of the stunning things this show achieves is to tell meaningful tales about being a teenager, and taking the teenage characters completely seriously, but also, at the same time, relating to the adults (who sometimes take just as much time to make the right decision as their children). Patty is frustrated because she doesn’t really know what’s wrong, and meanwhile, Angela’s dad is only one step (or rather, quite literally one phone-call) away from having an affair, until he realizes by the end of the episode and after a conversation with Angela about how boys sometimes need time to figure out how to be a man that he needs to do just that (“Practically every man I know is still working on it.”). They realize that they need to learn how to be with each other again, after being married for a very long time (“We just made it all up. Never took the time to learn the real steps.”), because it’s a process that never really ends, and then Graham calls the woman he was about to have an affair with, and calls it off. 

Angela

Angela: I'm not saying...see there's thinking about him, right?
which is what I do. All the time. Like this...
Rickie: Obsession.
Rayanne: Right. So?
Angela: So, it keeps me going or something. Like I need it just to
get through the day. It, it's just ...
Rickie: It's an obsession.
Angela: Right. And, and if you make it real, it's, it's not the same. It's not, it's not yours anymore. I don't know, maybe I'd rather have the fantasy than even him.
Rickie: I completely understand this.
Rayanne: I totally and completely disagree. You want Jordan Catalano in actuality because... there is no because. You just want him. Only you're programmed to never admit it.
Rickie: That does have the ring of truth.

The ironic twist in the next scene is that Angela’s idea of Jordan Catalano really is better than the actual thing. They have an awkward moment in the car, where she finally tries to have a real conversation with him which he interrupts by trying to kiss her, which is supposed to be the thing she wants, until she realizes that it isn’t, that one kiss doesn’t replace a meaningful relationship, and when she pulls back he accuses her of acting younger than she actually is (“ First of all, you don't know me well enough to say how old I seem. And second...” / “You talk a lot.” / “I've said, like eight sentences to you in my entire life…”) – and then there is the perfect moment for a kiss, but Jordan doesn’t recognize it and leaves. All of this happens while Angela’s parents are awkwardly out of synch at well (and are completely unable to dance with each other). 

MSCL manages to be incredibly subtle sometimes, despite the voiceovers that a lesser show would use to not to have to show everything on screen. Something in the relationship between Angela, Jordan and Brian has shifted. Brian notices that Jordan screwed up the date on Angela’s ID and after a horrible day of tolerating her friends raiding his fridge, interrupting his experiment, and watching Angela obsess over someone else, he has a tiny moment of triumph for being the person Angela can actually rely on (Angela’s introductory voiceover when she enters Brian’s house both hints at their shared past and at her ambiguous feelings towards him: “I couldn't believe how long it had been since I had been inside Brian Krakow's house. Considering how many hours I spent here when I was little. It smelled exactly the same which was reassuring, and annoying. Sort of like Brian himself.”)

Experiments can be termed successful if they yield meaningful results.

Random notes: 

The schedule is a bit wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey at the moment due to Easter, and I probably could have gotten more out of this episode if I’d given it more time but I actually feel vaguely compelled to try my best at actually delivering on time (because otherwise there is no way I’ll finish the reviews before Skins starts again – I’d just fall hopelessly behind and never ever catch up and have nightmares and stuff). 

I really enjoy how these “themes” are set up, and how the “narration” of the teacher leads to a scene that feels like a theory, played out. Apart from MSCL, Popular and Skins, another example for this that immediately came to mind (because of the communication-line) is Buffy’s Hush: “'So this is what it is . . . talking about communication, talking about language . . . not the same thing.'” – cue the episode in which nobody can communicate with words, yet manages to actually convey more truth than before. 

Also something that I’ve noticed again this time: how selective Angela’s voiceovers are. There’s a lot about Jordan Catalano, but nothing on Sharon (even though we kind of see that she does feel bad about deserting her) or her dad’s phone call. 

Dear American readers: please share your bio class experience with me, because the most expensive prop we had was a raven (not alive, and not for slicing and dicing). There were rumours of a radioactive spill in the chem lab though. PIG HEARTS?  

Angela: I just don't want to look like I'm throwing myself at him.

Rayanne: Excuse me, people throwing themselves at people is like the basis of civilization.

Rickie: She has a point.

I like the subtle dynamic between Sharon and Brian – both discarded former friends, still pining (though differently) for Angela’s attention, both jealous at her new friends / Jordan Catalano. Also, characters noticing other characters’ feelings and then making fun of them is like my favourite thing. 

Brian: Hey Cherski. So, by the way, Chase is coming over tomorrow night to, you know, compile data.

Sharon: So?

Brian: So, she's coming over. So, to help me. So, that obviously proves that...

Sharon: What?

Brian: That you were obviously wrong about the whole situation.

Sharon: Right. I was wrong, Krakow. Just keep telling yourself that.

Also, how heartbreaking is the little scene in which Sharon is actually waiting outside for her mum while Angela is inside with her new friends, a group that Sharon can not belong to? 

Angela: I bet people can actually die of embarrassment. I bet it's been medically proven. 

I also like the little moment when Angela kind of admits that she cares about Brian, but has no idea how to integrate her relationship with him into the person she feels she needs to be around Rayanne and Rickie (and Jordan). I remember feeling like this in school sometimes, around people I might have been friends with under any other circumstances but the ones we were in. 

“What I like, dread, is when people who know you in completely different ways end up in the same area. And you have to develop, this like, combination you, on the spot.”

Patty: Forget it. You know, Hillary Clinton is a brilliant woman and people should stop judging her by her hair.

Rayanne is drinking too much.

Man, I feel like a complete hypocrite for disliking Jordan Catalano, because I’ve always loved Trent Lane, and there are some obvious similarities between the two. But Mystik Spiral (or “something something Explosion”) sounds way more awesome than Frozen Embryos.